Christmas Love and Life Changes

 Well, it is not New Years yet, but I have some things I want to keep in mind as I go into the new year. 

Goals:

• I love the new omada app from Cigna. It is already helping me focus on my help. I don't feel guilty  on the days I forgot to report, because it's not money I'm losing. They are strictly focused on helping me do my best to lose weight. Even through my most bloated time, I have been able to keep my weight in a good range considering the craziness of the holiday season AND going through my period. 
• GOAL to reduce my weight to under 160 by this summer. 
• GOAL to bring my Weight under 150 by the end of 2023. 
• I am exploring new career options and opportunities. I have learned staying home is not great for me. It's been good for the holiday season, but not something I can do full time.
• Figure out my health. 
• Start writing more consistently so I can build up my writing skills so I could eventually write a book. 

Week/Year Reflection: 

This year has been quite a challenge. The start of 2022, I was officially burned out. I had put in a letter of resignation at my job in December and was still trying to come to terms with my decisions. I felt unheard and disrespected, but still loved my students and wanted to continue working with them to help them succeed.  I met many times with my therapist and tried to work out what was going on in my head. I read and read, I learn and learn ways to balance my life and mental health. The school offered me an opportunity to take on a Biology position which would give me the chance to teach my favorite class, but over all I knew I needed to step away from the classroom. My fear was that I was not cut out to teach, but I wasn't sure and needed to take a break from what I was doing. I finished out the year and got lovely goodbyes from my students. They were sweet and kind and supportive and really caring. I walked away with great sadness, but was ready to explore other options. 

It was a chill summer of fun with family and friends, and man I closed a door to my old school and a crazy new door unexpectedly opened.  I had started Gerald on a swim team and while there another mom of a young lady was there and we started chatting. While Charlotte and Gerald did laps, we discussed teacher life and my step away from education. Charlotte's mother Grace shared that she had been a principal in a near by district, but had taken a job as a Dean of Faculty (serving as a person to hire good quality candidates, hire substitutes and support DEI efforts) at MICDS, my alma matter. And after learning of my past experiences, asked me to take on a Maternity sub they were trying to fill. I was hesitant to take on another burden of teaching and declined. She pushed and asked if she could at least give my information to the head of the upper school. Come to find out, the head of the upper school was the same person my dad retired under, happened to be my past history teacher and one of the most supportive and incredible people I know. I agreed to the sharing of my information (even though the Head principal already had it) and received a call an hour later from him. 

As my teacher I trusted him and have a lot of faith in him as an educator as he taught some of my toughest thinking courses. He made me think and grow incredibly when he was my teacher. He had impacted my life immeasurably. So when he called, I explained my concerns and why I was unwilling to take on a new teaching job. He listened, considered my fears and concerns and left the possibility open. There was no interview, just a we want you for this job and it is yours if you want it. The level of trust and confidence given in that statement meant so much and was more that I had ever had in my past experience from administration.  I told him if I took the position, part of it would be the selfish desire to observe and learn from another teacher/pedagogical genius that, I admired and looked up to. 

I thought about it over the weekend, and a text I got from the Admin was something along the lines of no matter what you decide we are here to support you and help you grow as an educator. It sealed the deal. I couldn't believe someone who didn't even have me on their staff would go out of their way to support me. It was pretty cool. 

I joined the staff for a few reasons. One, I knew it was an 8 week gig and I wasn't tied to it. I could see if I enjoyed it and see if it fit and if it didn't, I wasn't locked in, but if it was, I could pursue more. Second, I wanted to work with my mentor again and learn from her and build something to use in the future. Third, going on to campus felt like home. Growing up with my dad working there, I was always on that campus. I think I spent more of my life there than at home for quite a long time. So I took the short term plunge to take the Chemistry Sub Position. 

I had a freaking blast! I LOVED it. The staff was kind and supportive. I had a great team of teachers and it was such a great opportunity to learn and grow. As a sub, I was making a bigger salary, learning a ton and just becoming a better teammate and instructor. Where I felt like I had hit a brick wall at my past location, I could only see growth and support here. I joined the Cultural competency classes and worked hard to integrate myself into the high school life there. I was loved by the students and staff. It was such a fun, eye-opening experience.  I took a few weeks off and then picked up a paternity leave sub teaching 7th grade Math. I learned more about standards based grading and built a strong community of support in the middle school too.

The down side of this year was the constant illness. I was sick in January with COVID, had a series of infections and then got COVID again at the end of May, beginning of June. My kidney health had declined to the point that I was investigating different types of dialysis and just struggling in general with high highs and lows. I hit a super low point and my therapist recommended a Psychiatrist. I ended up increasing my med doses in April and adding my first ever ADHD Medication. It was immensely helpful in helping me focus and be more on top of tasks. But all the illness and low iron seemed to be exhausting my reserves and I started falling asleep everywhere. Despite the positivity of the new job prospective, summer was a challenge. Adjusting to the new ADHD meds, getting COVID twice and also needing Iron Infusions for anemia was a pretty tough go. And I continued to worry about my health.  

Over the course of the summer, I began to have re-occurring Kidney infections. They were super painful and knocking me out of commission for a couple days. While I was excited to try my hand teaching Chem like my dad did at MICDS. I was always so tired, and generally sick, so I continued to pursue the issues with my regular doctor. We did several Echoes, and just looked at issues with my body. They even recommended a sleep study. Those suck ps.  So the second part of the year for me was interesting at best, I think I had between 8-12 kidney infections, to the point that I exhausted all my antibiotics options and now just am continual ill... slightly.  My urine is contently contaminated and come December, my urologist doesn't' really know how best to proceed beyond leveling me up to a more specialized doctor than she is. 

So as I said, good and bad days, so I need to find ways to improve my outlook and be more positive. 

Merry CHristmas to all and to all a good night.