Change like the Butterfly

 

I wore a shirt with this statement on my last day of school at Chaminade. I spend so much time this year worrying about my decision to walk away from teaching it was hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But a number of incidents and frustrating moments came up at the end of the school year. Mainly, blatant student disrespect and disregard from administrators. By the time I walked away, I was so ready for a change. Hardly anyone said goodbye and the people that I thought were my friends and co-workers in crime didn't even acknowledge me. Which hurt, a LOT, but with joy and freedom I cleared out my classroom and walked away. 

Now here I sit, it a sort of luxurious opportunity. It's weird for me, every switch of jobs I felt determined to rush into the opportunity at hand. Out of college, I applied for any and every job I could. One school asked me back to come back to interview for the science job opening in a few weeks, but while I waited for that interview another school hired me on the spot. I needed health insurance and while in my opinion, I liked the first district better, I couldn't pass up a bird in hand. A job and health insurance... Check. Well it turned out to be an amazing opportunity one that I still somewhat regret leaving. Great community, great opportunities to rise and grow as an educator. I will never regret working for that school. Once I had my son, I could no longer stomach the commute and being so far away from my Son in any sort of emergency.  So I applied for a huge variety of other jobs. Not being on my best front due to lack of sleep, I got turned down at a local public school, but was offered a job at a private school. Not for what I had applied for, but I figured a job in hand and went for it. The first year of trudging through a new curriculum, at a school that doesn't have a set curriculum for anything, in a new subject matter... Physics... to a new grade level... with a newborn at home. It was ROUGH. They don't collaborate or even really support new teachers at all. They allow their new teachers to be terrorized by the students (all boys school) and sink or swim. I for sure cried the first year, a lot. Exausted, tired and overworked. With no team or support. Three years of Sludging through, I finally earned some street cred with the boys, got to be a part of the hiring team and get a great teammate. 

Then COVID hit and my teammate and I went into over drive planning incredible opportunities with remote AND in person learning happening simultaneously. I built even better connections with my students and thrived as an educator. I was a the top of my game and then the Crash hit. 

My kidney health was declining, we adopted a second child, the kids were less attentive and hard to reach due to COVID disconnect and TIK TOK attention spans and NO admin was willing to address the issues, support us or find ways to support our teachers. And while the pressure from parent's at my school wasn't horrible, the pushback on safety COVID protocol and other things began to tear at my heart and soul and hearing that in other schools it was even worse. 

Society went from praising teachers when they had to do teachers jobs for a few months, to hating and threatening teachers for the next two years. Parents and Politicians don't like the curriculum, don't like the books, what teachers trained in combat for protection of their kids, yet don't want to change anything at home that might support or develop kids appropriately. I'm over it. 

So what's next? Not sure... and LLC for sure KMS Consulting? KGGC Consulting, just an ed consulting firm and who else is next. I am blessed to have the freedom to take my time, no need to play the bird in-hand card. WHOOO. Thank you Husband for working a good Insurance job that will keep me covered AND allow me a little freedom to explore. Now all I can hope is I can take the heat from my Brother-in-law who despite me getting a Masters and an Ed.D and just taking a short break will mention at the next family get together how I just sit around all day and don't do anything because I don't have a job and the other insecurities that get under my skin. 

I can just Breath, Be Health and acknowledge that without significant change, I can't grow or become a more beautiful person!