Showers and Spoons

 Two weird topics, but they will tie together in the end. 


I've had this title in my head for weeks, but I've not convinced myself to sit down and type for a bit. 

First I'll address the Spoons. I stumbled across a video online that talked about Spoon theory. I don't know why they decided on spoons of all things, I'm sure I could go down a rabbit hole and figure it out, but the idea captured me.  It's the concept of having all the energy to get things done in a day. For so many years I've been energetic and motivated. Always getting tons done and ready for more. Never more have I realized my limitations as I am experiencing them now. I feel like I used to have hundreds of spoons throughout my day. Or maybe as an ADHD person, I just picked up a spoon, but then set it back in the pile never fully using it. But I'm finding as this invisible disease affects me, each day I am more tired, more itchy, and more uncomfortable in my own body. I'm trying to shove it down/away, anything to try to ignore the reality of what I'm facing. But each day as I stumble home from work, all I want to do is lay down in my bed, but I still have a full night ahead parenting my two lovely, but sometimes not so lovely children.  I'm starting to run out of spoons. There is just not enough in my mental drawer to get me through all the tasks I want to achieve each day. And it hurts not being able to give it all to all the people that need it.  

On the other hand, the one place that doesn't take any spoons is a shower. And it's killing me that my skin is so dry. There is nothing more relaxing and brings me more peace than hot steaming water beating on my skin. So this progression of being itchy ALL the time and now it being winter and my skin being super dry is ultra frustrating.  It's one of the few things that doesn't feel like it takes spoons. 

Met with Dr. Young today and it sounds to me like my estimate of Summer of 2025 for a transplant is probably the goal. So fingers crossed. Only a year and a half of feeling like shit before a change. And I have to remember that people love me and that is why they are willing to donate a kidney and it is a willing inconvenience. And in the end, they will be fine and I will be healthier again. Maybe I'll be able to run again? Man that would be cool. 


Ok off to take care of kids! 

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