On the Mountain of Change

Well I'm for sure, not a consistent poster, but I need a space to every once in a while put my thoughts out there. I'm allowing it to be public, because I often feel that that when people keep experiences quiet or untold, there are often others who struggle with similar things and feel all alone. There's one thing I generally dislike, being alone.  I always thought myself an introvert, but I've discovered as I age, I was just a shy extrovert. With ADHD I am impulsive and have anxiety about how people perceive me. I desperately want to be liked and respected. And often I get in my own way, and I think that caused the shy part as I was younger.  I digress. So Updates. I'll start with the sunny side and move to the "dark" side.  The '22-23 School year (Even not officially in a teaching roll, I live my life by the teaching calendar), I believed myself to be taking a year off. But my habit of taking on too many things landed me in a variety of new opportuni...

 I'm not going to make goals per say, I just will say they are aspirations. I will do my best to accomplish what I can. But first a final reflection on 2022.  2022 was a difficult year for me. I felt lost and completely frustrated. I was sick constantly and also suffered with some anxiety and depression. For the first time ever I took a stand and realized my place of work was no longer right for me. I got over my fear of being jobless for a little bit and took a leap of faith to just be a stay at home parent... which lasted exactly 1 summer... like it always does. Till I got asked to sub and can't say no. But that sub gig opened my heart again and made me aware of the toxic environment I had been working in and opened up so many new opportunities in a community that recognizes my value and doesn't demean it.  I was still sick a lot, but despite the sickness, traveled a lot and did a lot with my family. Funny enough I feel like I grew a lot. Also my changing directions lik...

 Well, it is not New Years yet, but I have some things I want to keep in mind as I go into the new year.  Goals: I love the new omada app from Cigna. It is already helping me focus on my help. I don't feel guilty  on the days I forgot to report, because it's not money I'm losing. They are strictly focused on helping me do my best to lose weight. Even through my most bloated time, I have been able to keep my weight in a good range considering the craziness of the holiday season AND going through my period.  GOAL to reduce my weight to under 160 by this summer.  GOAL to bring my Weight under 150 by the end of 2023.  I am exploring new career options and opportunities. I have learned staying home is not great for me. It's been good for the holiday season, but not something I can do full time. Figure out my health.  Start writing more consistently so I can build up my writing skills so I could eventually write a book.  Week/Year Reflection:  This...

 There are so many things I want to write, so many things I want to reflect on, talk about, but they come and go so quickly through my head I can't keep up with my thoughts and that intimidates me when it comes to writing them all down. What if I miss the important ones. I guess if I just stop to write, I can get some of it down and just go from there.  I live my life in school years. It's the only way I know how. I have been in education pretty much all my life between learning, and teaching, the year to year thing doesn't even connect with me. So here we go...  22-23 Year:  It was suppose to be a year of change, a break year to figure things out and explore. A Year off. It has been a lot of those things, but it HAS NOT been a year off and it's turned out better than I could have expected. Partially because I'm still learning to set boundries, I was roped into teaching 8 weeks of somoene's maternity leave and how little I knew it would change my perspectivie.  ...

  I wore a shirt with this statement on my last day of school at Chaminade. I spend so much time this year worrying about my decision to walk away from teaching it was hard for me to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But a number of incidents and frustrating moments came up at the end of the school year. Mainly, blatant student disrespect and disregard from administrators. By the time I walked away, I was so ready for a change. Hardly anyone said goodbye and the people that I thought were my friends and co-workers in crime didn't even acknowledge me. Which hurt, a LOT, but with joy and freedom I cleared out my classroom and walked away.  Now here I sit, it a sort of luxurious opportunity. It's weird for me, every switch of jobs I felt determined to rush into the opportunity at hand. Out of college, I applied for any and every job I could. One school asked me back to come back to interview for the science job opening in a few weeks, but while I waited for that interview a...

 In the 4/5 days of work this week, I have gone through a huge, enormous shift in emotions. Monday was super awesome and empowering realizing how far I had come in my career and how passionate I am about what I do. I have become someone awesome in my field and I'm proud of that.  So very proud. They had us read an article about what teaching should look like and I saw myself in the article. I also found frustration in the lack of other teachers that could be doing and making huge strides in education, but are just hanging on to old fashion models of teaching and not looking at what is best for our students.  Then tuesday slapped me in the face. I was PMSing and emotional as hell. Got in an 4:20am run and felt pretty go about it despite being sore from wearing the wrong shoes on my sunday run, but then I think maybe my fatal mistake was going back to sleep? The extra hour of sleep was delightful... but... I don't know. I felt behind the rest of the day. Helped Nick out by ...

 I'm at a rather interesting impasse in my life and I'm realizing life is too short to stay at one place for too long. Maybe I feel like I've worn out my welcome, or I have done everything that I have the capacity to do here, or maybe COVID got the best of me. But for the first time in my life, I am not sure that teaching is next. So many times I've put off moving out of the classroom because it didn't feel right. Now it just feels exausting. I have so many skill sets and abilities that only a few skill sets are being used over and over again and I'm not being tapped to use some of my best qualitites.  I regularly listen to Podcasts and Jen Riday posted a podcast called "you can change" and lime many people in the middle of this pandemic, as we crest this mountain we realize there is more. As we look over the horizon. https://www.jenriday.com/you-can-change/- Jen posed the question, now that you have reached the top of this mountain, which one would yo...